


Keeping Up With The Joneses

by scarletmanuka



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Bullying, M/M, Miscommunication, Pining, Rodney McKay Whump, Team Dynamics, Teasing, They're both oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:08:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23104498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarletmanuka/pseuds/scarletmanuka
Summary: While Teyla is on maternity leave for her second child, Sheppard decides to train up Captain Jason Jones to become a team leader. As Sheppard and JJ seem to become fast friends, Rodney feels more and more left out. He decides that in order to gain Sheppard's attention back, he will have to become what he believes Sheppard desires - stoic and manly.
Relationships: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Comments: 30
Kudos: 206





	Keeping Up With The Joneses

It was all Teyla’s fault, Rodney decided. If she and Kanaan hadn’t decided to increase the size of their already picture perfect family, then there would have been no need to find a replacement team member for AR-1 during her maternity leave. That’s when it all went to shit. Sheppard had of course decided that it would be the perfect time to train up one of the Captains to take over an off world team of their own and so instead of having various personnel cycle through, each getting some experience with the lead team, they were stuck with the same person for the duration of Teyla’s leave. Rodney hadn’t recognised the name when Sheppard had first announced it since Captain Jason Jones had arrived in the latest wave of recruits on the Daedalus, and he’d had nothing to do with him. He’d not really cared one way or the other, so long as the guy didn't get Sheppard, Ronon, or Rodney killed when on a mission, one grunt was pretty much the same as another, right?

He was so, _so_ wrong. And that was doubly painful since it was so rare that Rodney was wrong. 

When Jones was introduced to the team during the briefing for Teyla’s final mission, the first thing that Rodney noticed was that he could have stepped straight off the catwalk. Seriously, what was it with Atlantis and unfairly beautiful people? Did the SGC recruit from modeling agencies these days? It was hard enough being the odd one out on AR-1 (honestly, it was just Rodney’s luck to be compared on a daily basis to Sheppard, Ronon, and Teyla) but he figured that it was about time that he got to be better looking than at least _one_ other team member. But no, Jones looked like he would be right at home on a centrefold, with his perfect peaches and cream complexion, almost white blonde hair that was as floofy as Sheppard’s, and ice blue eyes that even Rodney couldn’t compete with. Judging from how toned the parts of his body were that Rodney could see, it was a given that the parts under the uniform would be just as firm and non-pudgy. 

Woolsey kicked off the briefing but as it was a fairly straight forward trade negotiation, no one required Rodney’s input and it was mostly Teyla and Ronon explaining about what they knew of the Tsooyana people. Rodney sipped his coffee and when Sheppard offered him the plate of pastries that he’d grabbed from the mess, he shook his head. Sheppard threw him an odd look, which Rodney ignored, and he sat up a little straighter, pulling his stomach in as much as he could. 

Once the briefing was done, Woolsey excused himself and Sheppard took the opportunity to introduce Jones to the team . “Okay, I’m sure you all know JJ by now since he came in on the Daedalus two months ago but to tick all the boxes, this is Captain Jason Jones.” Sheppard then pointed at each team member. “JJ, this is of course Teyla Emmagan, Ronon Dex, and Rodney McKay.”

Jones nodded and smiled at everyone, and Rodney tried not to be blinded by his shiny white teeth.

“JJ is a demolitions expert, and has special ops training. He also has the gene so I’ll be teaching him how to fly the jumpers.” Sheppard quirked his lips. “Not that he’ll need much teaching since he can fly everything that I can and spent two years flying F-302s for the SGC so I reckon he’ll pick it up pretty quickly.”

Rodney _knew_ that he should have hacked this guy’s file beforehand so he’d have been prepared. He should have known that he’d be Airforce though, especially the way Sheppard was treating him like he walked on water or something. And honestly, _JJ?_ Sheppard didn't even call Lorne by his first name but he was calling this wannabe by a nickname? What the hell was that all about? 

“I’m pretty sure that you’ll be able to teach me a thing or two, sir,” Jones said and Rodney had to do a double take because that totally sounded like a euphemism if he’d ever heard one. 

Sheppard smirked in reply, _smirked!_ Rodney didn’t think it was at all possible, but he seemed to lounge even further into his chair and he drawled back, “This old dog still has a trick or two up his sleeve, don’t you worry.”

“It is lovely to have you on the team,” Telya said, smiling warmly at Jones. “I am grateful to have someone with your credentials to watch over them while I cannot.”

“What does _that_ mean?” Rodney spluttered.

“Means you have a habit of needing to be rescued,” Ronon told him.

 _“What?_ It’s not just _me!”_ Rodney protested.

“Nah, Sheppard too.”

“Now, now, Ronon - I’ve saved your butt a time or two,” Sheppard said.

“Oh, and what am I? Chopped liver?” Rodney snapped.

“You help too,” Sheppard told him, giving him an encouraging smile and from the corner of his eye, Rodney was sure that he saw Jones snicker. 

“Oh, is that what it’s called?” Rodney demanded. “Helping? I’ll keep that in mind next time I’m the one stopping something from blowing us all to pieces.”

Sheppard frowned at him. “We all play our part, McKay.” He then turned his attention to the room at large. “Okay, that’s it for today - see you all tomorrow at oh nine hundred in the ‘gate room.”

Teyla and Ronon got up and left but Rodney lingered, hoping to catch Sheppard after everyone was gone. Jones seemed to be taking his time as well so eventually he just had to ask in front of him. “So, Sheppard, you up for a game of chess tonight?”

Sheppard flashed him an apologetic smile. “Sorry, buddy, but I’m heading to the range with JJ.”

“Oh, well nevermind, maybe another time.” Rodney wondered if he sounded as desperate as he felt and from the pitying look that Jones threw him, figured that he did. 

“Sure, another time,” Sheppard agreed, and clapped him on the back, then ushered Jones from the room, leaving Rodney alone. 

Okay, there was absolutely no reason to feel so rejected. Sheppard probably had to sign off the new guy on a Wraith stunner or something, it didn’t mean that he didn't want to hang out with Rodney anymore. They were still friends and no matter how good looking Jones was, or how many planes he could fly, or the fact that he had the ATA gene _naturally_ and didn’t need gene therapy to activate it, didn’t mean that Sheppard had a new best friend or anything. Rodney told himself over and over again that he was being silly, that there was no need to be jealous, but he couldn’t help it. He even had to force himself to head to the lab after grabbing some dinner to make sure that he didn’t swing by the firing range ‘coincidentally’ just to see what Sheppard and Jones were up to, since his imagination was throwing every unlikely scenario at him. There was no way that two members of the US Airforce would be having hot, steamy sex out in the open where just anyone could see them, so there was really no need to be jealous, none whatsoever. They were totally just firing guns and bonding over being manly and good looking and not at all ripping each other’s clothes off of one another. 

Of course, that didn't mean that they couldn't go somewhere to do that _afterwards_.

Rodney shoved his chair away from his desk when this thought crossed his mind, an inarticulate sound of despair falling from his mouth. Zelenka threw him an odd look and Rodney decided that it was probably time to call it a night before he did something stupid. He waved goodnight to Zelenka and headed for his quarters.

This whole crush he had on Sheppard was proving to be extremely inconvenient and annoying. Sure, it was all fine and dandy when things were normal but as soon as someone came along who showed an interest in Sheppard (like the numerous priestesses, chancellors, et al) or _worse,_ who caught Sheppard’s interest (like Chaya), then Rodney started to think and act like a schoolgirl with an obsession. He needed to get himself under control for crying out loud. He was a renowned and brilliant scientist, an integral part of the team, and it was beneath him to get his panties in a twist just because Sheppard was taking an interest in a stupidly handsome flyboy. He’d known Sheppard for years now and if there was any chance that he was attracted to Rodney, then he would have made a move by now. The fact that he hadn't was more than enough evidence to prove that the crush was not reciprocated and it was time for Rodney to move the fuck on.

Of course, that was harder said than done. It sounded sensible and easy in Rodney’s mind at twenty six hundred when he was lying in his bed, but in the cold light of day as the team gathered in the ‘gate room and he was faced with Sheppard and Jones entering together, laughing together, it was a different matter entirely. What made it worse was that as soon as they saw Rodney, they stopped laughing and he got the sneaking suspicion that they’d been laughing about him. If he was quiet and withdrawn as they stepped through the ‘gate, Rodney didn't think anyone could blame him.

The Tsooyana lived a five klick hike from the ‘gate, in a large village atop towering cliffs. The path followed the edge of the cliffs for most of the way and the sound of the surf pounding against the rocks below was loud, and spray reached them even this high up. Rodney paused to look down over the cliffs and he was calculating how high up they were when he felt a hand on his elbow, drawing him back from the edge. He turned to make a quip at Sheppard about being over-protective but the words died on his lips when he came face to face with Ronon instead. 

“Careful,” Ronon muttered. “I don’t feel like climbing down there to scrape you off the rocks.”

Rodney could only nod mutely in reply and Ronon nodded back and began walking again, falling in next to Teyla who was behind Sheppard and Jones. The team was walking into the wind and their conversation drifted back to Rodney on the breeze and he realised that the two men were talking about how good the surfing would be on this planet. Rodney felt like he’d been kicked in the guts when he realised that not only did the two of them have something _else_ in common, but Sheppard hadn't even been looking out for Rodney. Sure, Rodney was a big boy and could take care of himself, but usually Sheppard looked out for him as well. He didn't realise how much he’d come to depend on that until it was gone.

They reached the village and Sheppard introduced the team, and the elders welcomed Teyla warmly. Rodney stopped listening to the chatter after a while, not overly interested in whatever small talk Teyla was making but his ears perked up when he heard his name.

“Ronon, you and Rodney stay out here, mingle with the locals and watch our six. Teyla, JJ, and I will chat to the elders and hammer out the trade.”

“Will do,” Ronon grunted at Sheppard.

“Wait, why do _I_ have to be the one to wait out here?” Rodney objected. “Shouldn’t it be the new guy? He’s the military one, shouldn’t _he_ be watching our six?”

Sheppard arched a brow at him. “You _hate_ trade negotiations, McKay and I have to either work to keep you awake or stop you from blurting out some insult that sees us miss out on an extra barrel of almost-beer. You saying you’ve changed your mind about how much you hate them?”

He frowned. “Well, no, but…”

“Look, as a Team Lead, JJ is going to be the one on his team having to lead negotiations and he needs to learn from the best, which is Teyla. You hate negotiations, he has to learn them, and I’m the one giving the orders so how about you quit griping about it and just go with Ronon?”

“Fine,” Rodney grumbled and he turned and stalked off without looking back.

He and Ronon walked around the small village, until they found themselves on the edge of a small fenced off area where several children were playing a game that looked like a mix between baseball and cricket. “What’s eating you?” Ronon asked as they watched as the kid holding the flat bat missed the leather ball that was pitched at him and took out the two wooden poles in the ground behind him. 

“Nothing,” Rodney said, even though he knew that it was pointless lying to Ronon.

“Look,” Ronon said, leaning over to cross his arms on top of the fence, “the new guy isn’t going to be around forever but he will be until Teyla gets back.”

“Why thankyou, Einstein, for explaining to me how maternity cover works,” he snapped.

Ronon just gave him a level look until Rodney was forced to nod in agreement. “Whatever problem you’ve got with him, you need to set aside so you can work with him.”

“I don’t have a problem with him!”

Ronon slapped him on the back, and Rodney winced as his lungs were rearranged from the outside by the force. “You keep telling yourself that, McKay.”

He scowled but didn't argue any further, and they fell silent as they watched the children play. A new kid was holding the bat now and he hit the ball and then ran for a marker in the ground where a second child was waiting. He passed the bat to that one who then ran for a third marker and yet another child. Several young children fielding were fumbling the ball and that allowed the bat to be passed to a fourth child, who then stood in front of another two poles, and when he managed to hit the ball that was thrown at him by a fielder, there was a cheer by the batting team before everyone switched places. 

The game finished before the others returned and as per usual, Ronon was overrun with children wanting to play with him. Rodney tried to brush off the few who wanted him to try and hit the ball, but the more he told them to go away, the more they just laughed and dragged him out into the field. He was mid-rant about the futileness of stick and ball games when Sheppard and the others returned, and Jones looked slightly taken aback by it. “Geez, man, they’re just kids,” he said, shaking his head. “Go easy on ‘em.”

Rodney rolled his eyes. “They had more than enough chances to leave me alone. They get what they deserve now.” A small girl giggled at this and threw the ball at Rodney, who wasn’t expecting it and it hit him square in the face. “Ow!” he cried, his hand flying up to his nose and coming away wet with blood. “Look what you’ve done, you little cretin!” The girl’s face crumpled and she threw herself at Rodney’s legs, wailing even as she hugged him. He felt terrible and patted her hair with one hand as Teyla passed him a handkerchief to staunch the flow of blood. “Oh, calm down, it was an accident, it’s okay,” he tried to reassure the small girl.

“It’s not a successful mission until McKay’s made someone cry,” he heard Sheppard tell Jones sarcastically, who snorted.

Deciding to ignore that, Rodney finally managed to untangle the child from his legs and sent her off to be with the other children. “Are we done here?” he asked.

“The trade was successful, yes,” Teyla replied.

“Excellent. Do we need to stay for any ritual bloodletting or chants under a full moon in exchange for our beans?”

“The antibiotics were more than enough,” Sheppard said, “and your bloody nose fulfils the bloodletting clause of the contract.”

“Oh ha ha, very funny. Can we go now?”

“Yes, McKay, we can go home now,” Sheppard told him. 

The return hike to the ‘gate was uneventful, unless Rodney counted the fact that once again, he was the one left walking alone. This time it was Ronon and Teyla in the lead and Sheppard and Jones brought up the rear, but no one seemed inclined to include Rodney in their conversations. As they stepped through the ‘gate and into Atlantis, he was feeling more alone than he had since they had first arrived in Pegasus.

oOoOo

The following mission had them running from the natives before they’d even been able to say hello, and they dodged tiny darts being shot at them from the trees as they made their escape. It was pathetic really that that wasn’t even the _worst_ part of the mission according to Rodney. When they’d first come through the ‘gate, he’d decided to get a jump on the whole ‘being ignored by Sheppard in favour of Jones’ thing and he’d initiated a game of Prime/Not Prime. 

“9421,” Rodney said, as he fell in beside Sheppard.

“Starting a little easy, aren’t we?” Sheppard drawled. “Prime.”

“Yes, well, just making sure that you’re awake,” Rodney replied. “500,176.”

“Not prime,” Jones said.

Rodney turned a withering glare on him. “Whilst you are correct and it’s not a prime, you had a fifty fifty chance of being right. I’m far from impressed, Captain.”

Jones shrugged but didn't say anything.

“100379,” Sheppard said.

“Prime,” Rodney replied with hardly a thought and then said, “131071.”

“Prime,” Jones answered. Before Rodney could even say anything about it being a lucky guess again, Jones smirked and added, “Oh, and it’s a Mersenne prime too.”

Sheppard smiled his big, genuine smile at Jones and Rodney knew right then and there that he was screwed. If Jones was a math whiz, the odds were definitely stacked in his favour.

They’d not had much more time for small talk then as that’s when Ronon cried out a warning and the first dart whizzed by their heads. Sheppard gave the order and they all turned tail and ran for the ‘gate. “McKay, dial home,” Sheppard cried as he lay down covering fire. 

“On it,” Rodney said as he began to hit the corresponding buttons on the DHD. He felt several small stings on his back and bottom but dismissed them as he sent through his IDC, but when he turned to move around the DHD towards the wormhole, he suddenly felt woozy. “Oh crap,” he said, and then he was falling.

He mustn’t have been out for long, because when he came to, he was being cradled in strong arms in the ‘gateroom. He figured it was Ronon, hoped it was Sheppard, and winced when he looked up to find that it was actually Jones. The Captain grinned down at him and hefted him in his arms. “Might want to lay off the pastries, doc, especially if you’re gonna make a habit of needing to be rescued like this.”

So far, Rodney’s glares had been useless against Jones, but that didn’t stop him from trying again. He struggled in Jones’ hold until he put him down, and Rodney moved to walk away until his legs gave out and he staggered forward.

“Hey, hey,” Sheppard said, and caught his arm, steadying him. “Hold up, McKay, just wait for Medical to get here.”

“I can walk myself there,” he protested but it came out slurred and not very convincing. 

Carson turned up with the gurney just then and Rodney was subjected to the humiliation of having to lie face down since he still had several darts buried in his ass and back. The team followed him to the infirmary, and settled down to wait as Carson drew a curtain for privacy and began extracting the darts. 

“This is so not fair,” Rodney grumbled. “Why didn’t anyone else get hit by darts?”

“It happened as your back was to them as you were dialling,” Ronon told him from the other side of the curtain..

“I thought the point of cover fire was to protect me while I did that. What’s the - _ow!_ What the hell, Carson? Are you twisting them out like screws?”

“Sorry, Rodney, but the darts have little hooks on the end. This could take a little longer than usual.”

“I bet this wouldn’t have happened if Teyla had been with us,” he muttered.

“Considering the size of the target, it probably would have,” Jones said, and although his tone made it sound like he was teasing, after the dig at his weight in the ‘gateroom, Rodney didn't take it as that.

“Or maybe she’s just better at covering my six than you!”

“McKay,” Sheppard said in warning, and Rodney was glad that he couldn’t see his expression. “JJ was the one who got you through the ‘gate - it wouldn’t kill you to show some appreciation. Now, we’re going to head up and debrief Woolsey while Beckett fixes you up. We’ll check in on you afterwards when we have our own physicals.”

Carson had the darts removed long before the team returned and after several tests to ensure that the darts had been coated with nothing more harmful than a short-term knock out drug, Carson released Rodney. Taking the opportunity to flee the infirmary while he could, Rodney made a beeline for his own quarters and spent the remainder of the day reading journals and making notes about the shoddy science in the margins.

No one from his team bothered to come and check on him.

oOoOo

After sulking for several days, in which he avoided his current team members, Rodney received a call from Teyla to come and visit him for tea. She greeted him with a warm smile, the traditional Athosian forehead greeting, and welcome arms. She looked happy, with skin that was practically glowing, and even the way she waddled over to the kitchenette was graceful (not that Rodney would ever tell her that - he valued his life). “How have you been, Rodney?” she asked as she poured them both tea.

“Oh, busy as usual,” he said airily. “There’s always something to do down in the labs.”

“I’m sure there is,” she agreed before handing over his mug and sinking down onto a soft armchair. “Please, sit,” she offered.

Rodney sat opposite and took a sip of the tea, wishing instead that it was coffee. “And how are you? Is everything going, you know, to plan?”

Teyla placed a hand over her very large stomach. “It is, and it’s much more comfortable this time round.”

“Yes, well, not being captured will do that for you,” Rodney agreed somewhat awkwardly. “Let’s just hope that you get to deliver this one in the infirmary and not need me to be your midwife.”

“You did very well, Rodney,” Teyla assured him once more. “Now, tell me, how have you been finding the team dynamics with me gone? I have noticed that you have not been around John much lately.”

Rodney shrugged. “I told you, I’ve been busy.”

“Rodney,” she said sternly.

“What do you want me to say?” he snapped. “That Sheppard has a new best friend with ‘JJ’?” He held his hands up to make air quotes around the stupid nickname. “That apparently I’m not good enough to be his friend anymore? Why the hell would I _want_ to put myself through that more than I have to?”

She sipped her tea and then placed the mug down on the small table next to the chair so she could reach over and squeeze Rodney’s hand. “Has John actually told you that he no longer considers you to be a friend?” Teyla asked.

“Well of _course_ he hasn’t,” he said. “We don’t talk about our feelings like that, you know that. His actions speak louder than words anyway. He’s too busy with his new friend to have time for me.”

“Are you sure that he’s not just making an effort to make Jason feel welcome on the team?” she asked in her usual calm manner. “We have been together as a team for many years, Rodney, and it must be intimidating for someone new to step into that dynamic. I’m sure John is just making sure that Jason doesn’t feel left out.”

“Oh, so that’s okay is it? I’m allowed to feel left out but the new guy isn’t?” He crossed his arms over his chest defensively. Somewhere deep down he knew that he was being silly but Teyla had the knack of making Rodney be truthful with himself.

“Has John truly been leaving you out, Rodney? Or have you been distancing yourself?”

He frowned. At the beginning he’d definitely felt like he was being excluded but recently it had definitely been himself who had avoided the others. 

“Perhaps it needs to be _you_ to make the first step,” Teyla suggested. “You’re clearly unhappy, and John doesn't seem himself either. Perhaps you could make an effort to get to know Jason, to partake in an activity that they both enjoy?”

He frowned some more, unsure if he really wanted to be the one to extend the olive branch. Teyla didn't push him further and the rest of the visit was spent discussing other matters, but the thought circled round and round in Rodney’s mind for the rest of the day. He didn’t really care about getting to know Jones, or to make him feel welcome, but he _did_ want to fix his friendship with Sheppard. If truth be told, he wanted even more than just friendship, and the way Sheppard was acting around Jones, Rodney was ready to bet his secret stash of Kona beans that Sheppard wasn’t quite as straight as he’d always made himself out to be. Maybe Rodney had a chance after all? But would Sheppard ever consider Rodney in that way? Was Rodney even his type at all? Rodney knew that to have a chance at all, he was going to have to stack the odds in his favour. He’d tried science and being nerdy and that didn’t seem to have worked, so maybe it was time for him to take a different tact? Jones was smart, yes, but he was also athletic and manly and tough and Sheppard seemed interested in that. So maybe it was time for Rodney to start being athletic and manly and tough too? 

He went to bed late, his brain busily scheming, and a plan began to form.

oOoOo

“Doc, what can I do for you?” Lorne asked, and if he was surprised to find Rodney knocking on his door in the early hours of the morning, he didn't show it.

“Hi, so, I hear that you go jogging in the mornings?” Rodney said. “But, not with Sheppard and Ronon.”

Lorne nodded. “Yeah, I can’t quite keep up with those guys.”

“Um, would you mind if maybe I joined you?” Rodney felt himself blushing. “I’ve been wanting to get a little fitter and I don’t really want to embarrass myself by running with them…”

Lorne smiled at him and nodded. “Yeah, of course, doc. You’re welcome to come with me anyday.”

Rodney beamed at him. “Excellent. Can we, uh, maybe start today?” He gestured down at his running shorts and sneakers.

“Sure thing,” Lorne said, opening the door wider. “Come on in while I get ready. Won’t take me a sec.”

Rodney peered curiously around Lorne’s quarters but true to his word, Lorne was ready quickly so he didn’t have much of a chance to see anything. They headed into the corridor and Rodney followed Lorne’s example as he stretched and did a few warm up exercises. “I usually head down along the north pier,” Lorne explained. “It’s nice and quiet this time of the day.”

“Sounds good. Lead the way.”

They started off slowly but increased their speed when Lorne realised that Rodney was already quite fit. He didn't say anything cutting or make a joke like some people would have (Rodney knew that he was carrying a little extra weight and wasn’t going to be competing in the Olympics anytime soon, but he was much fitter than he had been when he’d first arrived in Atlantis), just nodded and began to jog a little faster. Rodney was a little surprised at how easy he found it to keep up with Lorne and he began to actually enjoy himself, unlike the few times that Ronon had dragged him out with him and Sheppard. They reached the north pier faster than he’d expected and Lorne grinned at him. “You’re doing great, doc!”

“Thanks.”

“Wanna keep going or head back?”

“Um, can we head back? I don’t want to push myself too hard today and do any damage.”

“Sure thing.”

Feeling energised after the jog, Rodney found himself doing something after breakfast that he’d never have expected himself to do. 

_“You_ want to spar?” Ronon asked, looking surprised but then giving him a feral grin. “Sure.”

“Erm…” Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. 

Ronon clapped him on the back again and said, “See you in the gym this afternoon at two. Don’t be late.” Then he was gone before Rodney could change his mind. 

He spent the morning wondering exactly what he’d gotten himself into but when he arrived at the gym that afternoon, Ronon greeted him warmly. “McKay! Come on in. I gotta say, I’m impressed. What did you want to get out of today?”

“Oh, um, well, I guess that when it comes to the physical fights we get into, you could say that I’m not as, uh, _skilled_ as other members of the team. I know I save everyone’s asses all the time when it comes to tech and science but it would be nice to maybe be more capable in the hand to hand stuff as well.” He trailed off, not wanting to babble and bracing himself to be laughed at.

Ronon did not laugh. Instead he nodded approvingly. “It never hurts to be trained up in hand to hand, and you’ll have an extra advantage because people don’t look at you and think that you’re dangerous. With some hard work, you could become even more of an asset to the team.”

“So, you’ll train me?”

Ronon looked at him like he was stupid. “Of course I will, McKay. You’re team.”

“Oh, okay, well thanks.”

“You’re going to want to amp up your cardio work as well as hitting the weights.”

“I’ve started jogging with Lorne in the mornings.”

“Good. Evan’s a good match for you as a jogging partner. You can do weights with me, and after we’ve started working on your hand to hand, I’ll schedule in some group sessions with the team, make sure you know how to take advantage of their strengths.”

Rodney’s face fell. “Could we, ah, _not_ do that just yet?”

Ronon raised a brow. “You don’t want Sheppard to know?”

He bit his lip, wondering how much he should say. Ronon was more observant than people gave him credit for and Rodney wouldn’t be at all surprised if he’d figured out about his crush. “I just don’t want him to make fun of me,” he said in the end.

“Sheppard would never laugh at you for trying to better yourself, McKay. If you don’t know that then you don't know him as well as I thought you did.”

“It’s not quite that.”

“Then what is it?”

“I don’t know how to explain!” Rodney cried, frustrated. “I worry that he’ll think I’m trying to compete with Jones or something.” Which was exactly what Rodney _was_ doing but he didn't want anyone to _know_ that he was.

Ronon shook his head. “That’s not a competition you can win, so it’s a good thing you’re not trying.”

He frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean? I thought Sheppard was the head of the Jason Jones Fan Club, not you.”

Ronon shrugged. “He’s pretty awesome.”

“And I’m not?” he huffed.

“You’ve got your strengths, McKay, no need to get upset.”

“That’s easy enough for _you_ to say, but I’m the one you just said doesn’t even compare!”

“That’d be like comparing Jutnas and Alleques - they’re too different to make a comparison between them.”

“Jut what and what nows?”

Ronon sighed. “Two fruits on Sateda. Nevermind, McKay. Look, I won’t tell Sheppard if you don’t want me to, so can we get started now? Or is arguing the way you warm up?”

Rodney sniffed. “There’s no need to be rude,” he said and then went and put his bag on one of the benches.

As intimidating as Ronon was and as hard as Rodney had seen him push Sheppard, he was a good teacher. He spent some time going over what Rodney already knew and identifying his strengths and weaknesses, and then took him through several exercises. “Your bulk is your strength,” he said at one point. “You’ll never be as fast as Teyla or Sheppard so you should concentrate on building your strength and then making your opponent come to you, then overpower them.”

“That's the nicest thing anyone’s ever said about me being fat,” Rodney said, wiping sweat off his brow.

“You’re not fat, McKay - I don’t know who’s put that idea into your head.” Ronon took a swig of water from his bottle. 

“Oh, I don’t know - my parents, my sister, every kid I ever knew growing up, then a good deal of the adults I’ve known over the course of my life,” Rodney said bitterly.

“You’re broad and you’re solid, and yes, you might have a little extra weight, but you’re far from fat.” Ronon put down his bottle and crossed over to him, getting into McKay’s personal space and looking at him seriously. “Training with me is about building yourself up, not putting yourself down. I don’t want to hear anything like that come out of your mouth again, got it?”

“Are we going to braid friendship bracelets as well?” he quipped.

Ronon just stared at him until Rodney relented.

“Fine, fine, be that way, Tony Robbins.”

“Right, that’s enough for today. Same time tomorrow?”

“Uh, could we maybe do it in the evenings? On the days we’re not on a mission I can’t just cut my work day short.”

“No problem, tomorrow evening then. See ya, McKay.”

oOoOo

The problem with Rodney’s plan was that it was going to take time. One day of running with Lorne and training with Ronon wasn’t going to magically produce the results that he wanted. Luckily, the plan didn’t simply revolve around becoming fitter so there were things he could implement now. 

Sheppard seemed to like people who were stoic, like him, and so Rodney made a concerted effort to not be so...expressive. When Sheppard and Jones joined Rodney and Ronon for breakfast one morning, he zipped his lips and didn't say anything about the glass of orange juice on Jones’ tray. He _wanted_ to shriek and push away from the table and make a fuss until the glass of death was removed from his vicinity, but he held firm and proudly didn’t even break out into a sweat over it.

Conversation turned to the gathering that the Athosians were throwing at the end of the following week, and Sheppard was waxing lyrical about Ruus wine and the spiced almost-chicken that was served on little sticks, and without pausing in the conversation at all, he picked up the glass of juice and moved it to the far end of the table away from Rodney. “There’ll also be dancing, _lots_ of dancing and Teyla doesn’t let anyone sit it out so make sure you wear comfortable shoes,” he said to Jones, and Rodney wondered if he’d even noticed what he was doing.

It warmed him a little inside - he may have been replaced as Sheppard’s best friend, but his team leader obviously still cared if he had an anaphylactic reaction or not. It was something at least.

Remaining calm and stoic about physical injuries took a little more effort but when he didn't block in time and took one of Ronon’s fists to an eye socket, he managed to make it to the infirmary without calling a medical emergency. Carson took one look at him, and Ronon who had followed behind, looking not at all apologetic, shook his head, and fetched an ice pack. “Seriously, Rodney, I’d expect this from the Colonel or one of his marines but I thought you had more sense than this.”

“I’m trying to improve my chances of survival,” Rodney said, holding the ice pack to his face. 

“Well, it looks like that’s going splendidly for you,” Carson quipped, and handed him two Tylenol. 

It was a sad commentary on life in Atlantis that walking around with a black eye hardly raised an eyebrow amongst the expedition members, doubly so when you were on a ‘gate team. Zelenka asked if he was okay, Miko stared at him with worried eyes, but otherwise no one commented or asked how he’d ended up with such a shiner. Of course, he knew that Sheppard would have questions, since he knew for a fact that Rodney hadn’t been injured on their last mission and Rodney knew that he’d have to get in an explanation before Ronon said anything.

Sure enough, that night when Rodney approached the table the team were sitting at for dinner, Sheppard was on his feet in an instant. “What the hell happened to you?” he demanded, reaching up with one hand to touch the bruise with more gentleness than Rodney was expecting.

“Just an accident in the lab,” he said quickly, his eyes flicking to Ronon and silently pleading for him to go along with it. 

“What sort of lab accident results in a black eye?” Sheppard asked, his hand dropping away.

Rodney immediately missed his touch, even though it had kind of hurt. “It’s nothing, really. I was distracted when something shorted out and I turned too quickly and hit my face on the doorframe.”

Sheppard’s eyes narrowed and it was clear that he didn’t believe Rodney but he let the matter drop. 

On their next mission, Rodney offered to help the locals with their irrigation system and he spent half the day digging ditches in the fields, explaining to several farmers what he was doing and what they needed to do in future. He didn't mind so much - as a Canadian he had plenty of experience shovelling snow and really, dirt wasn’t that much different. When he finished, he was filthy, covered in dirt and mud, and when he came over to where the team were waiting for him, he blanched a little at how he must look next to Jones with his perfect pale skin and blonde hair. “I’m all done,” he told Sheppard, biting down on the urge to complain about all the orifices that he had dirt in.

“Good job, McKay,” Sheppard said and instead of grinning like a loon over the compliment like he normally did, Rodney managed to just nod coolly instead.

“You wield a shovel like a pro,” Ronon told him, with his patented back slap.

“It’s from all the practice he gets shovelling food into his mouth,” Jones snarked. He then winked at Rodney in what he could only assume was meant to show that he was joking, but Rodney just sniffed and turned away, refusing to dignify it with a response.

Sheppard frowned at the comment but when Rodney didn’t make a fuss, he let it go. Instead he said, “How ‘bout a team movie night tonight? Since you’ve done all the hard work today, McKay, you can pick the movie.”

After a long, long shower, Rodney went through all the movies on the server, looking for something suitable. He knew that his usual choice - sci-fi of some kind - wouldn’t suffice since he was trying to be less nerdy and he finally settled on _Die Hard._ Sheppard looked surprised, but pleased, when Rodney loaded it up in the room that they used to screen movies, and he took a large handful of popcorn and passed the bowl over to Rodney. Rodney passed it straight over to Ronon, not wanting to give Jones anymore ammunition to make jokes about his eating habits, and as he turned to watch the movie, he could feel Sheppard’s eyes on him. 

When the movie was done, Sheppard snagged Rodney’s arm before he could leave. “Everything okay, buddy?”

“Of course,” Rodney said, trying to sound confident. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Well, you’ve not been quite acting like yourself lately, that’s all.”

“I’m fine, Sheppard,” he insisted. 

“You’d tell me if there was something going on?”

“I’ll let you know if anything mission critical is going on, of course.”

Sheppard didn’t seem too happy with this explanation, but Rodney left before he could press for more details. So much for trying to impress Sheppard by being cool and manly; the first thing Sheppard did was jump to the conclusion that something was wrong. Rodney didn’t let it worry him too much though - he just had to keep at it and soon Sheppard would begin to think of it as the norm. Rodney just had to be patient and keep going.

oOoOo

The Athosian gathering snuck up on Rodney and he stood in his room, desperately searching for something to wear. He wanted to look cool but not like he was trying too hard and he cursed as every casual shirt he owned seemed to be a t shirt with something nerdy or geeky printed on it. He finally settled on a pair of soft denim jeans, a plain dark blue t shirt, and the leather jacket that Jeanie had sent him after the whole ‘Rod’ incident. He’d never worn it, too hurt by the fact that she clearly thought that Rod was a better brother than he was, but it would come in handy tonight. It would not only make him look cool, but it would also keep him warm as the mainland got nippy this time of the year.

Rodney’s new regime had only been going on for just over two weeks but he found that when he got dressed, his clothes were slightly too big for him. He grunted in surprise but didn’t have much of a chance to fret as he was already running extremely late. He grabbed a belt, pulled it tight and then hurried from his room and to the ‘jumper bay where the expedition members were gathering to be ferried over. 

When he arrived, it seemed like he’d missed the ‘jumper that Sheppard was flying but Lorne was just loading up for his final run and he cheerfully beckoned him on board, offering him the co-pilot seat. “Looking good, doc,” Lorne said as they took off. “Hoping to find a pretty Athosian to impress tonight?” 

Rodney blushed. “Oh, um, no, not really. Just didn't want to wear my uniform or anything.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll impress lots of people, even if you’re not trying to.” Lorne gave him a warm smile and then asked after Teyla and the conversation moved onto small talk.

Night had fallen when they arrived at the mainland and Lorne parked the ‘jumper next to the others. Once everyone had disembarked, they fell in next to one another as they followed the path winding through the trees, lit with small paper lanterns. “It’s a nice night for it,” Lorne said, looking up at the stars.

“Mmm,” Rodney agreed, looking up as well. Even now, sometimes it surprised him to find that when he looked up at the night sky in Pegasus, it didn’t feel strange or unfamiliar and yet it did when he was back on Earth.

The sounds of music and laughter grew louder and the path brighter as they rounded a bend and came into view of several large bonfires. Halling greeted them and waved them over to where several tables were set up with Ruus wine and food and they made their way over. There was already a queue for both and Lorne nudged Rodney’s shoulder. “How ‘bout I grab us drinks and you grab us food so we don’t have to line up twice? We're practically the last ones here so we might miss out.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Rodney said, his stomach growling. He lined up behind a marine and a young Athosian woman who had already hit the Ruus wine from the looks of it, and when it was his turn, filled two plates with food for himself and Lorne. Lorne was still in line for the wine and he caught his eyes and nodded over to one of the fires, silently telling him that he would find them a seat. Lorne gave him a thumbs up and Rodney made his way through the crowd until he spotted a free log by the fire. He’d just settled down when Sheppard and Jones appeared from nowhere.

“McKay, I was beginning to think that you weren’t coming tonight,” Sheppard said. “I waited in the ‘jumper bay but you didn’t show up.”

“Sorry, I was running late, needed to finish a few simulations,” he lied.

“Were any of the simulations about how much food you can eat in one sitting?” Jones asked, eyeing the two full plates in Rodney’s lap.

“No, they weren’t,” Rodney snapped. “They were about very complex equations that your tiny brain will never be able to comprehend.”

“The food the Athosians put on is always good,” Sheppard said. “It’s nice to be able to indulge once in a while.”

“This isn’t all for me,” Rodney felt the need to explain.

Jones lifted a brow, clearly not believing him. “Is it for your imaginary date?” he asked, looking pointedly at the empty place beside Rodney.

“What the hell is your problem?” he demanded, so over the jibes and teasing. 

“I’ve got no problem, man,” Jones said, holding up his hands in peace. “I’m just joking around.”

“Well maybe you should try some new material - you’re beginning to sound like a broken record and it’s not funny.”

“What’s not funny?” Lorne asked from behind them, and he climbed over the log, plopping himself down next to Rodney. “Ooh, thanks, that looks great,” he said, exchanging one of the plates for a large cup of Ruus wine. 

“No problem,” Rodney said, taking a swig of the wine before he threw it in Jones’ face.

“JJ’s comedic routine,” Sheppard answered Lorne’s question. He looked over at him. “It really is getting tiring, man. Give it a rest, yeah?”

“Sure thing, boss,” Jones said amicably, but when Sheppard wasn’t looking, he glared at Rodney.

“I guess we’ll leave you two to your night,” Sheppard said to Rodney and Lorne, looking awkward. “Have a good one,” and then he was walking away, taking Jones with him.

Rodney tried not to be too hurt that Sheppard didn't want to hang out with him, preferring Jones’ company to his, but it was hard. He’d hoped that he’d get to spend some time with Sheppard tonight, but it looked to not be the case. 

Lorne was watching Sheppard go with a puzzled expression on his face, but before Rodney could ask what was wrong, Teyla was there, asking how they were, chatting while they ate, and then pulling them up and into the circle of light between three bonfires so they could dance with her. 

It was a fun night, but Rodney took little enjoyment from it, too upset over Sheppard’s distance. Lorne had volunteered to be the early shuttle home for those who had to be up early the next morning for duties and Rodney was the first one to board.

oOoOo

On their next mission, their meet and greet with the city council was interrupted by a rebel force storming the complex. They tried to avoid being caught up in the fight but were drawn into it anyway when Sheppard pulled the head councilwoman out of the way of one of the rebels. It was a full on brawl but Rodney found that he was much better prepared for it after the training that he was doing with Ronon. He even took down a rogue rebel who was sneaking up on Ronon while he fought two other men, which earned him a nod and a grunt from Ronon (which, really, was high praise). 

It was just Rodney’s luck that he’d take a blow to the head towards the end of the fight and Sheppard would have to rescue him, but he preferred that over being rescued by Jones any day. The young Captain had taken his own beating and so it was that Rodney found himself sitting on an infirmary bed next to the last possible person he wanted to be with. 

“How are you feeling?” Carson asked as he shone his pen light into Rodney’s eyes.

Wincing, Rodney pulled away. “My head is pounding, and it would be better if you stopped shining that thing in my face!”

“Well, it doesn't look like you’ve got a concussion, but I’ll pop you under the scanner just in case.” Carson moved over to examine Jones. “Same goes for you, Jason,” he said when he was finished. “And that cheek will need a stitch or two,” he added, nodding to the cut on Jones’ face.

“So they’ll both live?” Sheppard asked from where he was leaning against the door frame.

“Aye, they will, though I suspect neither of them will be feeling all that great. A day or two of rest and some pain killers will help though.” At this, he fetched them both two Tyelenol each.

Jones swallowed his dry, and Rodney grimaced but didn't want to look like a pansy by requesting water so he threw the two pills in his mouth and swallowed them.

They immediately got stuck, his throat simply too dry and he began to cough, trying to hack them back up.

“Jesus, McKay, careful,” Sheppard said, hurrying to his side and handing him a glass of water. He rubbed circles on his back and if Rodney wasn’t so busy choking to death, he’d have rather enjoyed the contact.

Rodney gulped half of the water down, grimacing at the taste of the tablets. “Thanks,” he said hoarsely, which prompted Sheppard to stop rubbing his back.  
  
“Any further instructions?” Sheppard asked Carson.

“Not if their scans are clean, which I suspect they will be. If so, they’ll both be released tonight and if they’ve not further symptoms by tomorrow night, I’ll be clearing them for duty.”

“Alright, kids, I’ll leave you to your scans then. Let me know if I need to start rearranging the off-world roster.”

“Will do,” Jones said before either Rodney or Carson had the chance.

They were both cleared less than an hour later and in that time, Rodney ignored Jones, who didn't seem at all bothered. He headed to his lab afterwards, promising to let Carson know immediately if he started feeling unwell and after letting Lorne know that he wouldn't be able to jog with him the next morning, he got started on several tasks that had been shuffled down the list of priorities. He ended up having a productive night and got to bed late since there was no reason to be up at the crack of dawn.

The following day, Rodney joined the team for lunch, grabbing only a salad. He figured that he’d rather have a power bar later on if he was still hungry than deal with jibes from Jones if he got something more substantial. Sheppard watched him the entire time, like he wanted to say something, and once Rodney was finished, he couldn’t hold back any longer. “Aren’t you going to have some protein or something? Salad by itself isn’t going to do your hypoglycemia any good in an hour or so.”

Not wanting to have to explain why he was foregoing something else, Rodney decided to avoid answering directly. “I’m a big boy, Colonel and I can manage my hypoglycemia myself, thank you.”

“Big boy, you got that right,” Jones muttered.

That was all Rodney could take, and if his outburst ruined the ‘cool guy’ image he was trying to develop, then so be it. “Seriously? You’re really going there? Just what the hell is your problem, Jones?”

“Gee, can’t take a joke, can you?” Jones said, shaking his head.

“It’s not a joke,” Ronon growled. “You’re being a dick.”

“Yeah, cut it out, JJ,” Sheppard told him. “Enough is enough.” Before Rodney could get carried away basking in his team finally sticking up for him, Sheppard kept coming at him. “You’re losing weight, and you’re not acting like yourself, McKay - something’s obviously wrong. Maybe you should get Beckett to check you over more thoroughly?”

Rodney rolled his eyes. “I’m fine, Sheppard. Stop being a worrywort.”

“It’s kinda my job,” he retorted.

They were interrupted by Lorne approaching the table. “Hey guys,” he said, nodding at everyone, then handing a LSD to Rodney. “You left this in my room yesterday morning - figured you might need it.” Lorne, bless him, had picked up on the fact that Rodney didn’t want his team making a big deal of his new fitness regime, and had been avoiding mentioning it. 

“Ooh, I was wondering where I’d put that,” Rodney said, taking it. “Thanks. Oh, are you free later tonight? If Crason clears me, I won’t be on light duty anymore, maybe we won’t have to miss out on our plans after all?”

Lorne grinned. “Yeah, no problem, I can go again today - just let me know when you’ll be round.”

“Great,” Rodney said, grinning.

Lorne returned the grin and gave everyone a little wave. “Catch you later.”

Ronon gave Rodney an approving look but for some reason, Sheppard looked less than impressed. Rodney ignored him - if it was okay for Sheppard to have a new best friend, what was stopping Rodney from hanging out with new people too? “Right, well I have work to do. I’ll see you all later.” He stood up and bussed his tray, and then headed for the lab. 

Carson cleared him like Rodney knew that he would, and he and Lorne went on an extended jog to celebrate. There was no mission the next day so Rodney met up with Ronon as per usual for another training session.

“Right, enough going easy on you,” Ronon said with a feral grin. “Let’s see what you got.”

What Rodney had ended up being bruised wrists where Ronon had grasped him, a bruised back, and a deflated ego. “Ow,” he wheezed from his place on the mat, Ronon’s heavy weight still pinning him down.

“Come on, McKay, use your weight to your advantage and throw me off,” Ronon growled.

“I can’t - you’re too heavy!”

“Come on, I know you can do it.”

“I can’t!”

“Yes you can. Just imagine that I’m Jones and I’ve just said something about what you ate for lunch.”

Rodney was suddenly overcome with rage just thinking about Jones and he roared, pushing up and managing to flip Ronon over and pin him to the mat instead.

Ronon grinned. “Awesome. I knew you could do it, just needed the right motivation.”

Rodney rolled off and lay next to Ronon, panting hard. “I thought you were a member of his fan club? I definitely remember you telling me how awesome he is.”

Ronon shrugged. “That was before he kept on putting you down. I told you, I don’t like that.”

“Well, I appreciate the support.” He sighed. “I just wish Sheppard would back me a little more.”

“Sheppard does have your back, trust me. He gave Jones a serve the other day after you left and if the guy says anything else, he might even find himself off the team with no team of his own.”

Rodney snorted. “As if Sheppard would do that just because Jones likes to make fun of me.”

“You’d be surprised.”

Rodney held up his hands and looked at the finger shaped bruised blooming over his wrists. “Look what you’ve done to me - I look like the sub from a badly written BDSM bodice ripper.”

“I literally have no idea what that means,” Ronon said.

“Nevermind. Could you maybe go a little easier on me next time?”

“Do you think the enemy will go easy on you?”

Rodney sighed. “No.”

“Then there’s your answer.” Ronon got up and held out a hand to help Rodney up. “You’re doing really great, McKay. I pity the next guy who takes you on in a fight.”

Feeling buoyed from Ronon’s praise, Rodney felt invigorated and motivated. The next morning, he pushed Lorne to run an extra two kilometres, and his almost manic energy saw him solve a power drain issue that had been plaguing them for months. The day after when they went to a planet that was all desert, over 45C, with two suns high overhead, he didn't even complain once, just lathered his homemade sunscreen on his bare arms and bruised wrists and cheerfully followed the energy signatures on his scanner. It was a stark contrast to Sheppard’s foul mood, who remained in a broody silence the entire mission. At first Rodney thought that he might be pissed off at Jones, who seemed equally as sulky, and he wondered if they’d had a falling out, but Sheppard then snapped at Ronon and was grumpy with Rodney so it seemed to be more of a general pissiness than directed at any one individual. 

Sheppard’s crabby mood continued even after their mission and when AR-6 found an odd device of Ancient origin on their most recent mission, he refused to come and play light switch for Rodney when it wouldn't activate for his artificially induced gene. Lorne dropped by the lab on his way to Botany (from what Rodney had gathered from their time spent together, Lorne was getting up to the nerve to ask Parish out on a date), and he happily agreed to activate the device. He held it in his hand, his eyes closed as he initiated it.

“Any idea what it is?” Rodney asked, hovering nearby.

“I think, and don’t quote me on this, but I _think_ it’s some sort of massage device,” Lorne said, his brow furrowing.

“Like a ‘massage device’ that they used to advertise in the back of _Reader’s Digest_ magazines that were actually vibrators, or an actual massage device?” he demanded.

“Definitely the latter,” Lorne said. “It doesn’t give off the same vibe as that flesh light thing we found on one of the lower levels.” He looked Rodney dead in the eye. “Pun definitely intended.”

Rodney snorted. “Those crazy Ancients, huh. Cool, well, come on, let’s try it out. My neck is _killing_ me.” He turned his head a little to expose the side of his neck that was tight with tension from being bent over his desk all day. 

Lorne rolled his eyes but held the device to Rodney’s neck and turned it on. 

Suddenly something latched onto Rodney’s throat, squeezing painfully and he shrieked and pawed at the device. “Ow, ow, ow, get it off! Get it off!”

“I’m trying!” Lorne cried. “Hold still!”

He pried the device off but like a magnet, it seemed attracted to Rodney’s skin and it attached itself again, just a little lower, sucking and bruising. Everytime Lorne managed to pull it away, it would find a way back and Rodney’s neck was stinging.

“Turn it off!” Rodney yelled.

“What do you think I’m trying to do?” Lorne snapped.

“Ow, Lorne, get it off me! Zelenka, help!”

“What the hell is going on?” Zelenka asked, hurrying over.

“We can't get it off, it’s eating me!” Rodney cried, almost hysterical by now.

“Stay calm, relax,” Zelenka scolded, reaching in to help Lorne.

“Relax? _Relax?_ How the hell am I supposed to _relax_ , you crazy Czech?”

“Doc, _stay still,”_ Lorne pleaded.

With both Lorne and Zelenka getting a hand on the device, they wrenched it off and it went flying across the lab, colliding with the far wall and breaking into two pieces. Rodney collapsed onto a chair, clasping at his throat like a maiden in distress. “What the actual fuck?” he asked, breathing hard.

Lorne stepped close and tried to pry Rodney’s hand away. “Here, come on, let me look and see how bad it is.”

Rodney let his hand drop so his throat could be examined and he glared when Zelenka burst out laughing. “What’s so funny?”

“Sorry,” Zelenka wheezed, taking off his glasses and wiping at his eyes. “Just, it look like you have kousnutí lásky - um, love bite.”

 _“What?”_ Rodney screeched. “It gave me a hickey?”

“Uh, several, actually,” Lorne said, prodding gently at the skin. “I think I figured out what the device was intended for.”

“Other than necking me?” Rodney snapped.

Lorne smirked. “Actually, I think its purpose is similar to cupping, you know, like you get at a Chinese massage parlour to promote blood flow to an area.” His lips quirked and it was obvious that he was trying very hard not to laugh. “Are you feeling more relaxed now?”

Rodney glared at him. “This is all your fault! Go away!”

“Aw, come on, doc, don’t be like that!” Lorne said earnestly, then ruined the effect by catching Zelenka’s eye and bursting out laughing. He held up his hands in surrender and said, “Fine, I’m going, I’m going!”

Rodney could hear him laughing all the way down the corridor.

No matter how hard Rodney tried the next morning when he was getting dressed, he simply couldn’t find a shirt with a collar that would cover the mess on his throat. He'd managed to avoid his team the day previously after the incident but it just wasn't viable to avoid them until the bruises faded. He had no idea what he was going to say to explain it, since he didn't feel like being the butt of any jokes, and he hoped that maybe the team would be adults and simply not mention it.

He wasn't so lucky of course but he had honestly thought that he’d get teased for looking like a teenage boy after a first date. Instead, Sheppard just looked angry. “Really, McKay?” he asked coldly, staring at his neck. “You couldn't have been a little more discreet?”

Ronon found it funny though and started making kissy noises at Rodney, chasing after him in the mess line, trying to catch him. “Stop that, you overgrown Labrador! Keep your tongue away from me!”

“Come on, McKay, give us a kiss!” Ronon chortled, chasing him again.

Rodney ducked away from him and ran directly into Lorne, who caught him with both hands to stop him from falling over. “Oh, what’s wrong, doc? Does everyone want a piece of you now that they’ve found out how irresistible you are?” he teased, waggling his eyebrows.

Rodney glared at him. “This is all your fault! You’re making me look like I’m some sex crazed bimbo or something!”

“I think the technical term for a man is ‘himbo’,” Lorne said with a smirk.

“I hate you, I really, really do.”

“No you don’t, you love me, I know you do.”

“After you covered my neck with these things yesterday, I really, really don’t.”

“Come on, it was an accident, you know I didn’t mean to.” Lorne gave him his best puppy dog eyes. “You forgive me, don’t you?”

Rodney huffed. “Fine, you’re forgiven, but I still hate you. Now go away!”

Lorne tweaked his ear playfully and then left, laughing to himself and Rodney gathered what was left of his dignity and finished getting his breakfast. He turned to ask if Sheppard wanted coffee as well and he found the man shooting daggers at the table where Lorne was sitting. “Sheppard?” he asked, wilting a little as that glare was turned on him. “Did you want coffee?” he asked in a small voice.

Sheppard didn’t say anything, just turned and stalked out of the mess, leaving a very confused Rodney behind. 

Sheppard was distant and curt with Rodney for the next several days as well, and Rodney found himself getting more and more withdrawn because of it. He couldn’t understand what he’d done wrong and he was beginning to think that his friendship with Sheppard was well and truly over. He shouldn’t have been surprised - it always happened to him. No matter how much he liked someone, they eventually found him to be too much and didn’t want to continue to be friends with him. If Sheppard didn’t even want a friendship anymore, the chances of him wanting anything more had dropped to zero. Rodney's depressed state began to raise eyebrows and after their jog ended one morning, Lorne dragged him into his room and demanded to know what was wrong.

“I don’t know what I did to upset Sheppard,” Rodney told him miserably, sitting on Lorne's couch. “Ever since Jones joined the team, he’s not wanted to hang out or play chess or do anything that we used to.” He bit his lip, debating with himself if he should say anything to Lorne, what with him being military, but in the end Rodney decided that since he was pretty sure that Lorne had finally hooked up with Parish, he wasn’t going to run to the brass to out Sheppard. “I mean, even if they’re together, I thought he’d still have time to spend with his friends, but obviously not.”

Lorne gave him a steady look. “Doc, Sheppard isn’t in a relationship with Jones.”

“Oh, come on!” Rodney cried. “You have to be blind if you can’t see how into each other they are!”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure that Jones wants a piece of Sheppard, but the Colonel is not at all interested in Jones.”

“He’s not?”

“Nope,” Lorne said, popping the _p._ He kept on looking steadily at Rodney, who got the feeling that he was missing something obvious but for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what.

“Then why doesn’t he want to be my friend anymore?” Rodney asked Lorne sadly.

Lorne clasped his shoulder and squeezed. “I have a theory about that.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to say anything just yet, just in case I’m wrong. Try not to stress though, doc, I’m sure everything will work out okay.” Lorne guided Rodney to the door, his hand still on his shoulder and as he thought the door open, Rodney turned to him.

“What would I do without you?” he asked, probably uncharacteristically but he was beyond grateful. He’d never expected to become such good friends with Lorne, but somehow he had done and he appreciated the support the Major gave him.

“You won’t have to find out anytime soon, I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me for a while.”

There was a shocked gasp from behind and Rodney turned around to see Sheppard standing there, an expression that Rodney couldn’t quite describe on his face. Without saying a word, he turned and hurried away in the other direction.

Before Rodney could make a quip about seeing nothing but the back of Sheppard for the previous several days, Lorne hummed thoughtfully. “I think my theory was just proved,” he said.

“Really? What is it?”

“I have a meeting with Sheppard this afternoon, and I’m going to talk with him then. If it all goes well, I think you’ll find out soon enough.”

Rodney was left frustrated by his lack of knowledge but all that got put aside when they got a call from one of their allies only an hour later requesting immediate help. Genii rebels were attacking the Pardalups, a peaceful settlement of actual farmers who had recently been culled by the Wraith. Rodney hurried into the ‘gate room, tugging the straps of his tac vest tight as he did so. Sheppard was talking to Woolsey and when he saw that his own team, and Lorne’s were ready, he gave the command to Chuck to dial the ‘gate. As they waited for it to engage, he absently checked the straps on Rodney’s vest and P-90, like he always did, and then barked out an order for them to head through the wormhole. 

The ‘gate sat in the very centre of the main settlement, raised up on a stone platform that was left behind by a civilisation as old as the Ancients. The Pardalups had built around the ruins and incorporated many of them into their own designs, and on a good day it looked rather hodge podge. Today it was worse, with debris and carnage everywhere. One wall nearby had been reduced to rubble from some sort of explosion, another had suffered severe damage from gunfire, and several bodies lay where they’d fallen. 

“Lorne, take your team and fan out, try to pinpoint where the Genii are right now. Ronon, you’re with me - let’s head to the Hall and see if any of the town leaders have gathered there. McKay, I want you to head to the schoolhouse and get any kids there to the ‘gate and back to Atlantis. JJ, you’re with McKay - no heroics, just keep him and the kids safe. Let’s go, people!”

Rodney gestured for Jones to follow him since the Captain hadn’t been to this planet before, and they made their way as silently as possible down the narrow road that led to the small schoolhouse. Everything was quiet, and there were no signs of any Genii rebels or any of the Pardalups in the area surrounding it. Rodney and Jones made their way quickly to one of the windows and a quick peek inside showed at least twelve children huddling behind a desk, as well as a woman Rodney assumed to be their teacher. Hoping that the kids would recognise him from his previous visit, he stood up and gestured to catch their attention. He pointed to the door, hoping they’d understand and a long moment passed before one of the older kids got up and ran to unlock the door.

“Doctor McKay?” the kid asked. “What are you doing here?”

“Refe, right?” he dredged from his memory. The boy nodded. “We’ve come to take you and the others back to Atlantis to keep you safe while Colonel Sheppard and Ronon take care of the people who have attacked you.”

Refe nodded but looked to Jones warily. “Who is this?”

“This is Captain Jones, he’s new to our team. Do you remember Teyla?” The kid nodded. “Well, she’s having a baby so Jones is filling in for her.” He put aside all animosity he felt for Jones and tried to be as reassuring as possible. “You can trust him.”

Refe looked between them and then back over his shoulder to where the others were huddled before he finally nodded. “Alright.” He waved the others over and that was when Rodney realised that the person he’d mistaken for a teacher was only a girl herself, probably only a year or two older than Refe. 

“Okay, let’s get you guys out of here. Stay quiet, follow us, and do everything we say, got it?”

Refe nodded. “We understand, Doctor McKay.”

Feeling even more exposed with kids under his care, Rodney nodded to Jones who took the lead, with Rodney bringing up the rear as they made their way back to the ‘gate. In the distance there came the sound of gunfire and the answering shots of a P-90. 

They made it back to the ‘gate without seeing a soul and Jones cleared the area before Rodney ran forward to begin dialling. When the ‘gate connected he informed Woolsey to lower the shield and told him to expect a dozen children through and then he got them moving as fast as possible through the wormhole. Once Atlantis had confirmed that they’d made it safely to the other side, Rodney allowed the ‘gate to disengage.

Jones let his P-90 drop and ran a hand through his hair. “Well, that’s one way to get the blood pumping,” he said.

Several things happened before Rodney could snap at Jones about letting his guard drop. From one side, Koyla stepped into view, a handgun held in his grasp. From behind, he heard Sheppard call out a warning. Then there was a sharp pain in his side, and Rodney was falling. 

He lost time and when he came around he found that Sheppard was hovering over him, pressing down to the left of Rodney’s belly button. Sheppard’s eyes were wide and worried, his face was pale, and there was a smear of blood on his cheek. Relief passed over him as he saw that Rodney was awake. “Stay with me, Rodney,” he told him firmly. “Help is on the way, you just gotta hang in there.”

“The Genii?” Rodney asked, his voice weak.

Sheppard shook his head. “Koyla managed to dial the ‘gate and escape with some of his men but we’ve dealt with the others.”

“Oh, ‘kay.” He let his head drop back and it landed on something softer than the ground and he realised that it was Sheppard’s leg. “Jones?” he asked, unable to form full sentences but wanting to know if his team mate was okay.

Sheppard’s eyes narrowed. “He’s fine,” he said coldly. “At least until we get back and I deal with him for dropping his guard.”

“Accident,” Rodney rasped.

“I don’t care,” Shappard said. “I trusted him to keep you safe and he just stood there without even a finger on his gun as Koyla shot you!”

“What’ll you do?” 

Sheppard’s face darkened. “I guess that depends on how well you recover. If he’s lucky, he’ll be sent back to Earth. If something happens to you, then he can be guaranteed that no one will ever find his body.”

Rodney coughed, sending pain spasming through his gut. “Ow,” he croaked, then managed to add, “Didn't know you still cared.”

The look of heartbreak and dismay that crossed Sheppard’s face was almost as painful for Rodney as his wound was. “Of course I care, Rodney. I care _too_ much. And just because you’ve found someone to love that isn’t me, it doesn't mean I’ll stop caring.”

“What?” he asked, wondering if he’d suffered a head injury as well. “Who do I love?”

Sheppard looked at him like he was dense. “Lorne, Rodney, you know, your boyfriend.”

“Lorne isn’t my boyfriend,” he mumbled, another wave of pain washing over him and making him cry out and curl up a little.

“Where the hell is Beckett?” Sheppard yelled into his radio and it was then that Rodney realised that the ‘gate was active again. He couldn’t hear the response, having lost his radio somewhere along the way but Sheppard only grunted and turned his attention back to Rodney. 

“Not seeing anyone,” Rodney added, panting.

Sheppard looked skeptical. “You’re just sleeping with him?”

Rodney started to get angry. “Not doing that either. Geez, Sheppard."

"Well, what am I supposed to think? You go around covered in hickeys and finger marks on your wrists, you leave things in his room - which I've seen you leaving early in the morning with my own eyes, and then there was the date you two had at the Athosian party."

Rodney just stared at him for a moment, his brain whirring. "Look," he said when he could finally see things from Sheppard's perspective, "there's perfectly reasonable explanations for all of those things, which I'll explain later. All you need to know is that there’s no one I want but you.”

“Huh?” was Sheppard's articulate reply.

He rolled his eyes and reached up to pat Sheppard’s hand. “I think when I’m not bleeding to death, and it doesn't hurt so much, we need to actually talk.” Sheppard grimaced. “Yeah, I know, I don’t like doing it either but we seem to have gotten our wires crossed somewhere along the line.”

The event horizon rippled and Carson was there, hurrying over to Rodney’s side and that was the end of their conversation for now, but Rodney wasn't going to let Sheppard back out of this. As soon as he was able, they were going to have a very frank discussion about how Rodney and Lorne were just friends, and the truths that had slipped out on the battlefield.

oOoOo

In the end there wasn't a discussion.

Ronon had dropped by the infirmary to regale Rodney with the story of how Sheppard had dressed Jones down in front of everyone and had given him his marching orders for putting ‘the most essential member of this expedition’ at risk. Apparently Jones had then made a quip about Rodney being the size of a planet because everything revolved around him and Sheppard had launched himself at him. Ronon had kept him away, “Since I think he’d get in trouble for punching a subordinate,” but had then gone ahead and punched Jones himself. “He was a dick and he deserved it,” Ronon added.

When Sheppard turned up to visit, Rodney sent Ronon packing and reached up to tug Sheppard close enough to kiss. It wasn’t anything spectacular (kisses that happened when one participant was in a hospital bed never were) but it got the point across. 

“So, just so we’re clear - I’m not with Lorne, you’re not with Jones, you like me the way I am, and we’re still best friends?”

Sheppard cupped Rodney’s chin, leaned forward and murmured, “Crystal clear,” and then kissed him again.

And then again, just for good measure. 


End file.
